Sex Positions & Techniques Tips

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Man-on-Top: “The Anvil”

This position is ideal for deep penetration, and it only requires one shift from standard missionary position. Instead of the woman's legs stretched out (or lifted) on either side of the man's hips, in the anvil position, the woman raises her feet above her partner's shoulders. Minor flexibility is needed for this position, but not as much as you might think. The more flexible the woman is, the closer her partner can bend down to her, but the deep penetrative effects can still be gained from the couple remaining essentially in a ninety-degree angle.


Debunking The Kama Sutra

Did you know that the ancient Indian text, The Kama Sutra , (or Aphorisms on Love ) was not intended as a sex manual? The writings on sexual union were only a portion of the books deeper message of spiritual wholeness. (See? This whole sex-as-communication thing is making more sense now, isn't it?)

Today, we view The Kama Sutra as a kind of How To book for exotic lovemaking positions. True, the book does offer manipulations of sexual union that are guaranteed to change up the normal routine of man-on-top/woman-on-top. Let's not forget, however, the other, deeper message of The Kama Sutra —and indeed the point of all sexual intimacy we share with our partners—that two human beings are coming together to communicate love with their bodies. Any new sexual position you try isn't simply a trick to keep love alive, it's also a fresh way to communicate with your partner.


SexSpeak: Overview & Basics

“Talk dirty to me.” Have you ever heard your lover ask that of you? Did it feel like the emotional equivalent of being dropped into a 100-gallon tank of piranhas? Oh, the pressure!

Don't worry. “Talking dirty” has many connotations. Usually your partner is not so much asking you to whip out a stream of one-liners you'd hear in a bad porn film as to speak intimately to him/her while you make love.

Defined in general terms, “SexSpeak” is the stuff you say to your lover in the height of passion. Beyond the moans and groans of pleasure (which are undoubtedly delightful), SexSpeak is the articulation of your arousal in spoken language. At its most basic form, it comprises phrases like “Oh, baby,” “Yeah, right there,” “Oh, my god,” etc. But for the connoisseur, SexSpeak can actually serve as a technique that will bring your lover to new heights of pleasure.

Try using a few encouraging phrases in your next lovemaking encounter. Remember that when you express yourself during sex by using verbal language all you are doing is giving your partner a green light. Simple SexSpeak (like the examples given above) serves to do one thing: it lets your lover know that you are enjoying yourself.


The Loving Touch Exercise

By the time we graduate high school, we typically have a good idea about male and female physiology, the mechanics of sex, and how to prevent pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted infections. Unfortunately, many of us never receive an education in the finer points of sex, i.e., how to make love.

Try this Loving Touch Exercise to develop your sexual sensory techniques:

Lie down and roll onto your side, facing your partner. Regard your partner's body. Imagine what it would feel like if it were your own.

Maintaining slow and steady breathing and as much relaxation as you can, begin to touch your lover's body in slow movements. Let your hands and fingers slide along the lengths of limbs, belly, chest, neck, hair, toes, fingers...

As you touch your lover, imagine you are touching yourself. Consider how the pressure and motions of your hands would feel if you were making the same movements against your own body. This is a great opportunity to give your lover sensual pleasure while showing him/her how you like to be touched. (Those partners who are receiving touch: Pay attention to what your partner is communicating through his/her hands!)

After about 10-15 minutes, place one flat palm in the center of your lover's chest, just under the collarbone. This is a calming and grounding indicator that s/he is finished and ready to switch places. (Try not to use spoken language.)


Woman-on-Top: “Squatting”

One of the best adjustments to the Female Superior position requires only that the woman place her feet on either side of her partner's hips (rather than her knees, which is the typical position for women-on-top). What makes this adjustment so great? This position allows for optimum control on the woman's part. In addition, the angle of her pelvic bone and genitals creates concentrated stimulation of the penis. In addition, both partners are able to see each other's faces, bodies, and genitals— and both partners have hands free for mutual touching.


Man-on-Top: “Peace Sign”

“Make love, not war” has a whole new meaning with this position. In it, the woman keeps her legs closed during penetration. The man places his legs on the outside of hers. This is a fantastic position for intense stimulation for both partners, particularly if your bodies “fit” together well. Either or both partner can squeeze their legs tighter—woman's together and/or man's against the woman's (although this alters the “peace sign” visual effect)—and the woman can also concentrate on squeezing her PC muscles to contract around the penis.


SexSpeak: Intermediate

The next level of SexSpeak takes the same idea of basic SexSpeak and fine-tunes it. They move beyond finite phrases of encouragement like “Oh, yeah,” which are the equivalent of “I like what you're doing; keep it up.” Because pleasure is subjective, your partner may have received the information that you like what s/he is doing, but s/he may not know why. Or, more specifically, what is it that is going on that is giving you pleasure.

The idea here is to educate your lover so that s/he knows precisely what is turning you on. The information gets filed, stored, and now your partner knows how to better please you. Not to mention the fact that most of us get a real charge out of being able to give pleasure to our partners. In a way, by employing SexSpeak, you're performing a service to you both.

Got it? Good. Moving on.


Borg Sex

If you're a “Star Trek” fan (don't judge), you probably know about the Borg. These are half-human, half-machine creatures that adapt automatically to their surroundings. If you shoot at them, they make instant configurations so that they're suddenly immune to bullets. Where sex is concerned, the same thing happens to us: If we get the same stimulation over and over again, it ceases to work as well.

In order to avoid suffering from Borg Sex, you need to infuse variety into your sex life. It's not always about finding clever new positions; it could also be the time of day you make love, the location, or even a switch in who initiates lovemaking.

Since this is a collection of “realistic” better sex tips, I'll include here a couple of variations on the two most popular sexual positions: Man on Top and Woman on Top. This will make it easy to try something new without having to be as limber as a cast member of Cirque du Soleil.

Bonus Tip : When changing up your sexual repertoire, use what's called “The Sandwich Method.” At some point during your “normal” sexual routine, the dominant partner (i.e., the one who happens to be on top this time) should initiate the shift into the variation/new position. Be sure to return to a familiar position to transition out of the newer one.


SexSpeak: Advanced

Now here's where we take the previous two levels and blow them out of the box. Again, we're not talking nasty, here. (Although there's something to be said for down-and-dirty talk. Some couples love it, and it certainly has its place. We're just not addressing that here.) With the Advanced level, the more creative SexSpeakers can really shine.

Here's the main difference between Basic and Intermediate SexSpeak and Advanced SexSpeak: Advanced SexSpeak isn't about you. Not ultimately, anyway.

To put it another way, Advanced SexSpeakers use their own physical pleasure as a launching pad to bring their partner into their experience of pleasure. This completes the circle of connectivity between you and your lover.

The difference is subtle, but the real kicker is frequency and, of course, timing. You don't want to talk your way through the entire lovemaking session, for sure. A few lines of directed encouragement are great during the first phases of lovemaking. Perhaps stick to Basic and Intermediate SexSpeak during this time. It's also a good idea to stay silent and enjoy each other's bodies for a while as well. As things get heated, so can your SexSpeak. A well-timed, Advanced line can actually send a nearly orgasmic partner right over the edge.

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Getting A Sex Position Guide

Couples who like to try new things might wish to pick up a sex position guide. These can come in print or video format. Keep in mind that both of you may not enjoy every position offered in the guide. Be open-minded about trying out new positions, however. You may find one or two that you never knew about. They may even become your new favorites!

Will new sex positions improve my love life?

Expanding Your Sexual Horizons

One of the best ways to ensure a healthy sex life is to try different sex positions. After all, variety is the spice of life. Think of it this way: You may love lasagna, but you wouldn't want to eat it every night. By trying new ways to please your lover in bed, you bring excitement to your relationship as well as your sex life.

When is the right time for penetration during sex?

A Sex Technique Basic For Men

One of the biggest mistakes men make during sex is trying to penetrate a female partner before she is properly aroused. The most basic sex technique for any man is to take the time to allow your partner's vagina to lubricate properly. This will ensure a much more pleasurable sexual experience for both of you. Clitoral stimulation is an obvious way to get juices flowing, but sometimes just a kiss can do the trick. Check the progress of her arousal with a light stroke around or inside the entrance to her vagina.


Woman-on-Top: “Reclining Amazon”

This is a slight variation on what's called the “Reverse Cowgirl,” where the woman straddles the man, but faces away from him. In “Reclining Amazon,” the woman lies back on her partner's chest. Some flexibility is needed here, but if you go slowly and unfold each leg until it is straight, you should not have to lose penetration during the transition. This position is very intimate, despite the fact that you and your partner cannot see each other's faces. Both partners are able to receive more pleasure than just penetration as well. The man is able to touch the length of his partner's body—almost as easily as he might touch his own—and the woman is literally able to lie back and enjoy the caresses.

What is The Kama Sutra?

The Kama Sutra

Contrary to popular belief, he ancient Indian book, The Kama Sutra, (or Aphorisms on Love) was not intended as a sex manual. The writings on sexual union were only a portion of the books deeper message of spiritual wholeness. Still, Kama Sutra sex positions are offered in many modern sex books and videos. Many of them are not so different from what we already practice. For example, "When the woman places one of her legs on her lover's shoulder, and stretches the other out, and then places the latter on his shoulder, and stretches out the other, and continues to do so alternately, it is called the `splitting of a bamboo'."

What do men like during sex?

A Sex Technique Basic For Women

One of the best sex technique tips a woman can learn is that men are sensitive, too! Particularly the head of the penis, which increases in sensitivity proportionate to arousal. When performing oral sex, for example, most men prefer not to receive constant or hard pressure on the penis head. Most often, harder pressure can (and should) be applied to the shaft of the penis. But remember that there are thousands of nerve endings present. Even though an erect penis looks like it can take it rough, check with your partner to see what kind of pressure he prefers.

Where can I learn about sex techniques?

The University of Sex?

If only there were a sex university where we could learn all there is to know about sex and sexuality... Since there isn't, the best way to become a better lover is to practice! Sexual technique can be picked up from reading books or magazines or seeing films. The best teachers, however, are your partners. That includes yourself! Experimenting and learning from each other will make you the best lovers for each other.

What is the best position for sex?

What Position Is Best?

There is often a lot of debate about which sex position is best to achieve orgasm. Of course, the answer varies from person to person, but many men find the missionary position the best for them. When the man is on top of the female, he has more control to move as necessary to reach the level of stimulation he needs. Even some women find this the easiest position, as they can accommodate deeper penetration, thereby increasing arousal. Many women, however, prefer the female on top -- or female superior -- position, as it allows for easier manual stimulation of the clitoris.

How can I spice up my love life?

Spice Up A Chilled Relationship

Ah, the blush of new love. Seems like you can't get enough of each other. Even leaving the bed seems unthinkable! Eventually, however, the fires of passion will die down. (Sorry. It's true.) So, how do you keep love alive? You may wish to try some new sex positions. There are hundreds out there to experiment with. Find out which ones work best for you and your partner. Pretty soon, you'll be hanging that Do Not Disturb sign on your bedroom door again...

What is trantric sex?

Tantra And Sex

Like The Kama Sutra, tantra is misunderstood as solely a method of sexual union. In truth, tantra is a spiritual practice geared toward unifying disparate halves of our selves, in order to become whole human beings. In what is known as tantra sex technique, sexuality becomes a symbol of the union of masculine and feminine within us. When we unite with our partners, we are basically paying homage to a union within our own souls.

What is the best sexual position?

Variety Is the Real "Best Position"

Looking for advice from others on the best sexual position is not the right way to go. Just because they enjoy something does not mean that you or your partner will. Not to mention, the best way to find out what you really like is to try all of the possibilities together. Believe me, few things in this world are as much fun to experiment with as sex.

Some positions allow for deeper penetration, some allow for easier clitoral stimulation and others offer a greater sense of intimacy, but above all, they are all sex. Try out new things, don't just go by the book or the advice of others. Try angling your bodies in different positions, use props and toys and pay close attention the things that elicit the most favorable response from your partner. Their advice on what is best is really the only one you should be listening to anyway.

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Guru Spotlight
Patricia Walters-Fischer