Foreplay Tips

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#1 Sex Tip for Men: Arousal

This is it, guys - the number one tip to ensure you'll be a better lover to your female partner. Never (and I mean never ) penetrate a woman with anything unless she is well lubricated. Preferably, the lubrication will be her own vaginal fluid. That means you need to arouse her with touches, kisses, massage, oral sex... Whatever it takes.

Not only is intercourse without sufficient arousal painful physically, it makes for an overall unsatisfying experience.

True, this may mean that it takes a little longer to get to the intercourse part of sex, but come on! Can you think of anything else you'd rather have in front of you than your lover's body? Would you rather be doing anything else than giving her pleasure...and receiving it in return? (If so, go do it. Don't waste each other's time. Come back to sex when you have real passion and energy to devote to it.)

Don't worry, not all women need long stretches of arousal time. And those who do don't need it every time. We all get crazy-horny sometimes.


Oral Sex Redefined

One of the biggest (and simplest) parts of foreplay actually happens before you hit the bed: Talking. Try this tip when you want to initiate sex. (It works extremely well with a new lover.)

Ask your partner, “What turns you on the most during sex?” Open the floor for communication. Be sure to express that you're ready to hear anything, no matter how odd it may seem. If you do hear something that seems strange to you, don't react as such. Remember, you're not necessarily going to be expected to do whatever s/he says. Just listen right now.

Chances are, your partner will take up the challenge and ask you the same question. Answer honestly. Often this will begin a discussion about mutual likes and dislikes. As the discussion gets more titillating, speak softly and look your partner in the eyes. Be ready for talk to switch to action!

Bonus Tip : Remember what your partner said during your sex talk. Try to find a natural way to incorporate his/her turn-ons into your sex together.


#1 Sex Tip for Women: Confidence

If there's one thing men want women to know about sex, it's this: You are sexy. If you weren't, he wouldn't be there in the first place. The biggest turn-off for men is a woman who is self-conscious about her body and/or her sexuality.

Sex is communication. The more self-conscious you are during sex, the more your partner will be apt to become self-conscious himself. Even the most comfortable lover will begin to withdraw in the presence of a partner who is doing the same.

No one is expecting you to abstain from sex until you are madly in love with your own body. But at least suspend your self-criticism while you're making love.

Bonus Tip : Live vicariously through his attraction to you. Watch his behavior toward you as you make love. Reflect his attraction to you back at him. If you do this often enough, you will begin to develop a healthier and happier sense of your sexual self.



You may be surprised to know that many people decide how good a potential lover is in bed based on how well s/he kisses. You can make yourself a better kisser with these kissing tips:

  • Forget the passionate lip grabbing you see in the movies. When kissing begins, go slowly. Let your partner melt into the kiss.
  • Don't start out with your tongue or too much lip. “Sloppy kisses” are one of the top complaints women have about men's make-out tactics.
  • Before introducing your tongue, use your lips to “hug” and caress your partner's lips lightly. Move to short kisses on their cheeks and neck before returning to the lips.
  • Once you do begin to use your tongue, tease it into play. Open your mouth slightly and brush the tip of your tongue against your lover's lips. This is not only extremely sexy, it's also a nice way to find out if your partner wants to tongue kiss. How can you tell? S/he'll return the favor.


Sacred Space

Creating a sacred space for lovemaking is an important part of a healthy sex life. It's certainly not necessary to do every time, but once in a while taking a few moments to concentrate on your surroundings can make the subsequent encounter all that much more special.

And it doesn't have to be the bedroom! You may wish to change your routine by setting up a love nest of sorts in the living room or den. Throw down a few blankets and pillows. (If you are sprucing up the bedroom, choose the softest blankets and add a few more pillows to the bed. You can also push the bed against a wall and line the wall edge with pillows.)

Pillows get a lot of flack for being unnecessary fluff items, however they can great sex aids. You can lean against them or use them to prop up your lover's body. And, of course, if they do get in the way, you can just toss them aside.

Lighting is important as well. Avoid all electric light in the room where you make love. Light candles instead. Even camping lanterns can give a soft glow to the room. Be sure not to place flame near anything that can catch on fire. Place plates under candles to avoid dripping wax marking your floors.

Drape warm-colored scarves or other tapestries over existing curtains and across any non-sexy items in the room (such as computer monitors, televisions, hampers, etc.).

If you're not allergic, light some incense as well. Choose soft, sensual smells such as sandalwood, musk, or patchouli.

Most importantly, set up your sanctuary together ; it's all part of the warm-up to sexual intimacy.

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Candi Wingate