Read these 14 Sex Toys & Games Tips tips to make your life smarter, better, faster and wiser. Each tip is approved by our Editors and created by expert writers so great we call them Gurus. LifeTips is the place to go when you need to know about Sex Education tips and hundreds of other topics.
Here's a classic scenario we've seen played out in countless films and television shows: Someone—the man or woman—is lying next to his/her partner, in a state of what should be post-coital dreaminess, but his/her gaze seems far away. His/her partner looks over, snuggles up and asks, “What are you thinking about?” It's a question many of us dread. Rarely is the answer, “I was basking in the glow of your wonderfulness, darling.” Typically, we are thinking about some decidedly non-romantic thought like a task that has yet to be done, what the world might be like without Velcro, or, worse, how unsatisfied we were by the sex we just had. It happens. The important thing is how to deal with the thoughts we have before, during, and after sex.
Consider the sex you've been having with your partner for about the last three months. With that in mind, answer the following questions as honestly and thoroughly as you can. Afterwards, share your answers with your partner and discuss.
1. What initiates sexual activity between you?
2. Who generally makes the first move?
3. As you begin to make love, what are your first thoughts?
1. Would you consider yourself to be open to receiving pleasure from your partner or do you prefer to be the one giving pleasure?
2. Does you mind begin to wander during sex?
3. Do you think about your satisfaction more, less, or as much as your partner's?
1. How do you know when sex is over?
2. What is the very first thing you do after sex? What about your lover?
3. Do you and your partner treat each other differently after sex (either later that day or the next morning, if it takes place at night)? If so, how?
1. If one partner tends to initiate/dominate, how would you feel about switching these roles? (If “switching” roles seems awkward, why?)
2. If either or both of your minds wander during sex, to what are they wandering to?
3. List three ways you help each other to stay mentally and emotionally present in your lovemaking.
If you're new to sex toys, the best way to begin is with a simple cock ring. Cock rings help men stay erect longer, which results in a more powerful orgasm. There are a number of varieties on the market, but I'd suggest buying one (they're fairly inexpensive) that has a clitoral stimulator on it. These are generally made of jelly-like plastic and look like an oversized finger ring—the “jewel” being the stimulator portion.
Once erect, slide the ring all the way down to the base of your penis, with the stimulation area of the ring facing out, so it can rub against the clitoris during intercourse. Be sure to remove the ring soon after ejaculation so that your blood vessels do not remain constricted.
Teasing each other in public is a tantalizing way to put a spark in your relationship. Depending on your comfort level, here are a few tips for public flirtation in ascending order – from tame to downright naughty:
Everyone loves to get sexy love letters. Why not leave one on the fridge? Perhaps you never considered buying one before, but an erotic magnetic poetry kit offers an easy and fun way to leave a hot message for your lover. Take turns leaving love poems or messages for each other. Don't think too much about what to say; let the words on each magnet inspire you.
Bonus Tip : Write each love poem down (or even take a photo of them) and make a book. You can present the collection to your lover as a birthday or anniversary gift.
A low-maintenance game to play with your partner is body painting. Many stores that sell sex aids offer body paints in fruity and chocolate flavors. These kits come with calligraphy-style brushes for easy and attractive application. If you've seen the film “The Pillow Book” (1996), you'll see the attraction to this sensual game.
If you don't feel like shopping for the supplies, you can easily make your own body paint kits with cake frosting or caramel ice cream topping. Jams also work quite nicely. Apply any of the “paints” with a craft paintbrush. You don't have to go crazy buying an expensive brand, but keep in mind that the bristles should be soft enough that the application is pleasurable. This is part of the fun—as is licking the paint off afterwards.
Not everyone can afford state-of-the art sex toys like dildos and vibrators. Almost everyone can afford vegetables, though. One of the best vegetables for sex play is zucchini. If you're a little weirded out by this thought, consider this: vegetables have been used as sex toys for thousands of years. In many ways, they're better than their silicone and latex counterparts because they're often more flexible, fresher, and disposable (or edible, if you so desire).
Buy a smallish zucchini to start. Keep it in the fridge for a day or so to get it nice and cool. Just before use, peel the zucchini, making sure to remove all the skin (especially at the rounded end). Use the stem end as the “handle.” You may wish to try masturbating with the zucchini on your own at first, if you feel a little silly. However, there's a lot to be said for sharing this particular game. It's novelty goes a long way.
Unless you and your partner are adventuresome to begin with, it can feel uncomfortable to jump into the art of sexual game playing. If you can, overlook this initial feeling of self-consciousness and give one of the games and/or toys in this section a try.
Start small, and keep a good attitude. Your partner may be shocked at first, but press on anyway. In the long run, s/he'll remember that you made an attempt to get closer to him/her in a playful way. That's the key, really: Play. We often forget that sexuality is as fun as it is meaningful. Bringing this attitude to the bedroom (or wherever) will ensure a longer, happier sex life.
If you are looking to buy top-quality sex toys, you need not look further than the good old Internet. A number of excellent sex toy stores have web sites geared to sell their products in addition to keeping physical locations. Some shops are exclusively online, however. Often, this translates to savings for you, since overhead costs are reduced or eliminated.
For many people, buying sex toys can be an embarrassing situation. Choosing products is a difficult enough process. Then there's actually taking your picks to the counter and cashing out... It's something a lot of folks would prefer to avoid altogether. One of the great things about online shopping is that you can shop for and buy sex toys from the privacy of your own home. Plenty of information is given about each product. Some even have reviews! And when you order, most companies are sensitive to your privacy and ship your purchases in unmarked packaging.
There are plenty of sex toys available for solo lovemaking. But couple sex toys are just as popular. Many items are designed to share the pleasure. Love swings, wedge pillows, flavored lubes, vibrating cock rings, and double-ended dildos are just a few. Of course, favorite stand-bys like vibrators can be used with a partner or alone for a solo treat.
Once you have found the kinds of sex toys you and/or your partner enjoy the most, it's important to keep them in good working condition. This means regular maintenance and cleaning. Adult sex toys like dildos and vibrators are made of silicone, jelly, or a porous material that requires cleaning with warm water and mild soap. Some dildos, however, are made of tempered glass. These are non-porous, so they are hypoallergenic and much easier to keep clean.
The next time you and your lover are doing something routine—watching a movie at home, gardening, doing housework, whatever—flash your lover. You can do this subtly by, for example, not wearing a bra and wearing a loose top that exposes you when you lean a certain way. You can also spring a full-fledged surprise attack: Men can ask their lover to refresh a drink for him, then, have her return to find you bare naked on the couch. For added fun, act like nothing is different…for a minute or two, anyway.
It's said that if you dream about water, you're actually dreaming about your sexuality. It's easy to understand why: It's soothing, supportive, and comforting. (In fact, water was our first home, in the form of amniotic fluid.)
Making love in water is an experience not to be missed. The lapping of waves against your skin, your bodies held afloat and weightless… However, many people find it difficult to achieve full penetration while submerged. This is due to water being sucked up into the vaginal canal, filling it and leaving less room for the penis. There is an easy way around this problem.
If you're making love in a bath or hot tub, simply lift your bodies just above water level at the time of penetration. In a larger body of water, you can either swim to a more shallow area and do the same, or the woman can keep water from entering her vagina by not fully relaxing the vaginal muscles until the time of penetration. Hard to do when you're aroused, but since water is a natural lubricant, chances are you'll be able to move toward penetration a little faster than on you do on dry land.
Bonus Tip : Any excess water can be expelled from the vaginal canal by simply using the same muscles to push it out.
Most of us enjoyed treasure hunts when we were kids, but it can be even more fun as an adult. Plan a treasure hunt for your lover by hiding intimate and/or suggestive items around the house for him/her to find, with notes that give clues to each new location. If you choose to be the treasure at the end of the hunt, you can select an obvious location (i.e., the bedroom or in a hot bath), or you can take the treasure hunt outside the house and have your mate seek you out at your favorite romantic restaurant. The depth of creativity is up to you.
|Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.|