Intimacy Tips

Read these 9 Intimacy Tips tips to make your life smarter, better, faster and wiser. Each tip is approved by our Editors and created by expert writers so great we call them Gurus. LifeTips is the place to go when you need to know about Sex Education tips and hundreds of other topics.

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Bathing Beauty

Can't get away on a romantic holiday? Take a bath.

Turn your bathroom into a sensual hideaway with candles, incense, and chilled champagne. Fill a hot tub full of bubbles or soothing, scented oils. Sit together in the tub, one partner leaning back against the other. Take turns washing each other with a soft washcloth. Keep the attention away from sexual areas for this experience, and focus instead on the parts of your lover's body you may not normally pay attention to; elbows, underarms, hair, nape of neck, belly, ankles, feet…

Bonus Tip : Don't speak for the entire length of the bath. Use body language instead.


When Desires Don't Match

In some cases, the individuals who make up a couple have different sexual drives. The stereotype is that men are more sexually driven than women, but for some couples, the opposite is true. Men tend to be able to disassociate sex and intimacy, whereas for women the two are linked. An example of how this manifests itself is that men will often want to make love in order to end an argument, but women cannot bring themselves to have sex until after the argument is resolved.

Understanding these differences between men and women is helpful, but you and your partner need to look at your individual needs and desires. This applies to heterosexual as well as same-sex relationships.

If desires conflict more often than not (being out of sync once in a while is inevitable), talk to your lover and listen to what s/he has to say. Do your best to find a compromise in your cycles of desire. For example, if one partner has a lower sex drive, ask him/her what are the times that s/he feels most turned on. Pay attention to when these moments arise and suggest sex at these times by easing into it with light flirtation or physical closeness.


P.S. I Love You

Here's a simple way to keep intimacy in your relationship: Leave love notes. Maybe that's excessive for you, but even once in a while it's a nice treat.

Write a quick “I love you” or some sweet message and leave it in a place you know your lover will find it: Briefcase, refrigerator door, gym bag, pillow… Get creative. If you had great sex the night before, leave a thank you note. You get the idea. (One woman I know left a note for her lover that said, “Thanks for the spinal adjustment.” Humor is a great way to say I love you.) Don't worry if you're no Shakespeare; it's not so much what you say as that you took the time to say you're thinking about him/her.


Faking Orgasm

Why do women (and some men) fake orgasm? In general, there are two reasons: They do it when sex has gone on too long and/or no orgasm is imminent. Also, women and men who feel inadequate because they cannot orgasm, often fake climax in order to fit in. On both cases, there's a common denominator: It's a lie.

In reality, there is no excuse for faking an orgasm. It only serves to propagate an unhealthy sexual relationship. Sex is a form of communication, and further, a healthy sex life needs communication. Ask yourself: Will the world end if you simply tell your lover that you don't think you'll have an orgasm this time? And if you've never had one, wouldn't you like to? Your lover is your partner. S/he wants you to experience pleasure. And if that isn't the case, do you really want to be with him/her in the first place?

Orgasms can be a tricky subject to broach, but take the leap. Talking to your lover respectfully and honestly is the key to a long and happy sex life.


Mutual Meditation

If you and your partner lead busy lives, sex may become just another thing on the To Do List. Whenever you both have the time to become intimate, pay it the respect it deserves. In other words, unless the moment dictates otherwise, don't leap right into sex.

Take a few minutes for mutual meditation beforehand. It's easy: Sit opposite each other, close your eyes and breathe together. Clear your minds of the day's events and focus your attention on your partner and the pleasure you would like to give him/her. Some couples also like to connect physically during this exercise by holding hands or even leaning forward and placing their foreheads together.

Mutual meditation is a wonderful way to help your minds catch up with your bodies, creating a more fulfilling act of love.


Tell Me What You Want

One of the biggest mistakes women make in bed is sadly a well-intentioned one. We've all been there at one time or another. Perhaps with a new lover or a lover who is so sweet and attentive…but he's doing it (whatever it is) wrong. Perhaps his touch is too hard or soft or he's touching in the wrong area. And what do we do? We make encouraging noises anyway.

Next time your lover isn't quite getting it right, it's your responsibility to let him know. There's no need to bark out orders (no one responds well to that). Instead, stay in the moment of intimacy and suggest to him that he can be softer/harder or gently guide him to the right area. If you don't, you're only encouraging him to continue as one male friend of mine calls it, “bad behavior.”

Remember, men want to please you. But they're not mind readers. By helping your partner understand your body, you're doing both of you a big favor!


Sleeping Together

Sleeping is one of the most intimate acts two people can perform together. When we sleep, we are at our most vulnerable. It takes a lot of trust to share that vulnerability. Even though we sleep everyday, couples should not take for granted how important it is to engage in this activity together.

The next time you share your bed with your partner, take a moment to acknowledge—if only silently—the comfort of having that person next to you all night long. Sex is a great way to communicate, but sleeping together lends an even deeper sense of intimacy between individuals. Enjoy it.


Love Her…Period

A difficult topic to broach for many couples is menstruation. More specifically, whether or not to have sex when your female partner is menstruating. From the perspective of many men, the thought of having sex during menstruation is off-putting because it seems “dirty” or abnormal. Many stigmas have been attached to menstruation for thousands of years (most of which were posited by men who didn't understand the process), so this is hardly a surprise. Some women, too, share these views – or simply don't feel the desire for sex while they have their period.

Let's debunk a couple of myths: Menstrual blood is not dirty. In fact, it helped to nourish all of us for the first nine months of our lives in utero. And in fact, menstruation is one of the most normal things a woman can do. (Actually, the absence of her period would be abnormal.)

If you're going to try sex during menstruation, you may wish to wait until the latter days of her cycle, when blood flow is decreased. There is a great benefit to making love at this time of the month as well: Her orgasms can help reduce period cramp pain. Some couples use this time to have unprotected sex, as getting pregnant is less likely. I t is still possible for her to get pregnant during her period—although it is rare—so keep this in mind. Couples looking to have children may use this time to practice conception-friendly positions.


Sharing Fantasies

To be sexually intimate without having sex is a wonderful way to keep relationships healthy. A titillating way to accomplish intimacy is to share fantasies. This can be daunting, since many of us worry others may think our desires are strange. Here's a tip: There's probably nothing you can dream up that hasn't been thought of or even done by millions of others since the history of sex began.

What's important is that you establish an atmosphere of safety and respect when you share your fantasies with your lover. As you speak, pretend you're telling an erotic story. Be specific about what turns you on in each aspect of the fantasy. As you listen, shut off your own desires for now and be receptive to how your lover is getting turned on. It's a great opportunity to get to know each other in a way others never will.

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Carma Spence-Pothitt