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In order to be a good lover, you must learn to love yourself first. Take some alone time to develop your own sexual identity, beginning with your mind.
Lie down comfortably, in bed, on the floor, or even in a nice warm bath. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. As you breathe deeply, envision your body filling with light. If it makes it easier, picture a large ball of light above you, sending its rays down to you. With every in-breath, suck in some of this light. When you exhale, expel any negative feelings you have about your body or your sexuality.
Begin to feel your body—not by touching it, but by paying attention to the sensations under your skin. As you bask in the glow of this loving attention, turn your thoughts to yourself as a lover. Imagine yourself radiating pleasure. Not toward anyone in particular (remember, this is about you now). When you have spent a few minutes in this state, open your eyes, and come slowly out of the meditation. See if you can sustain this state of radiating positive energy about yourself as you move to whatever it is you do next with your day.
This tip takes practice. Give yourself 5-10 minutes every day for at least a week to suspend all sexual hang-ups and pressures. Just a few minutes! Be gentle with yourself; it took years to develop negative feelings, so if you have them, give yourself ample time to undo them.
|Sheri Ann Richerson|