December 26, 2008, Newsletter Issue #148: Having (a) Sex Fast

Tip of the Week

Probably the last tip you’d expect in a section about long-term loving is to not have sex. However, taking a temporary break from sex is incredibly helpful…particularly for couples who have hit a brick wall in intimacy.

One of the biggest complaints over time is that the passion dies down over the years. Well, of course it does. As time goes on and comfort levels increase between partners, it’s not really practical to assume that we will have the same mad passion we had for our mates when the relationship was in its beginning stages. However, it’s not impossible if you adjust your definition of passion. The mistake some couples make is misinterpreting this new phase of the relationship as a decline rather than an evolution.

If you find this is the case, take a mutual break from all sexual activity together for a period of one to four weeks, depending on the frequency of your sex life beforehand. At some point during this sexual fasting period, sit with your lover and make a list of at least ten non-sexual but physically affectionate acts that you really enjoy your partner doing with/for you. Switch lists. Find some way to incorporate each of the ten items into your daily lives together. Toward the end of the fast, make a “bed date” and try The Loving Touch exercise (see the “Positions/Techniques” section).

No matter how turned on you may get, do not have sex during the fast!

By the end of your fasting period, you’ll understand that diminished sexual frequency is not always an indicator that the whole relationship is going south. Ideally what develops is a deeper connection between you, one based on multi-faceted loving.

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