Who's On Top?

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Who's On Top?

The practice of Dominant and Submissive sex is quite far-reaching. It can simply be a matter of who initiates sex. (The initiator would be the dominant partner, in that case.) It can also be who's a top or a bottom (something that can switch from encounter to encounter).

And of course there's S & M (Sado-Masochistic) sex play, where levels of pain mix with pleasure. The pain can be physical: bondage, whipping, having hot wax dripped on your body, the use of menthol ointments, or even electrical shock. The pain can also be mental, such as verbal abuse or being someone's “slave.”

If you attempt any Dom/Sub sex, here are a few pointers:

  • Above all, you must trust your partner.
  • Start slowly: Light bondage is a great way to start. Begin with spanking (see tip in this section) as opposed to whipping.
  • Keep a first aid kit handy.
  • Have a solid signal to use with your partner so that s/he knows when you've had enough.
  • After the session, be sure to take some readjustment time together. Hug, kiss, and thank each other for the experience. That way you won't misunderstand or carry the power play with you.

   

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Jennifer Mathes, Ph.D.